My sister used to tell me she was hurt when I didn't call or write to her. If she called, I might not even call back. “What's up with that?” she'd ask.
A few years ago, I figured it out. "I'm not a stay-in-touch-and-connected guy," I told her. "I'm a projects guy. Make a project we can do together, and I'll happily work on it with you."
So we made a project. We met weekly to write together, using Google Docs and Google Hangouts. We'd set up a session. She'd start to write something in a Doc and share it with me. I'd do the same and share it with her. Then, we'd read each others' work and provide feedback.
But I went beyond feedback because I love to edit. When Bobbi went back to get her Ph.D. I edited her papers. When she wrote her dissertation, I edited it. When she started writing her books, I edited (and published.) By the time she'd finished Book II of her trilogy, she had written, and I'd edited 500,000 words (not counting the Ph.D. stuff and miscellaneous writing). Now we're well into Book III, another 200,000 plus words. We've probably done a million together.
I like editing.
So, instead of just reading what my sister wrote, I edited. At first, it was painful. I covered everything she wrote with comments and suggestions. And sometimes the suggestion was, "Do this over. It doesn't work the way you've written it. Try something like this..."
As time passed, her writing got better and better, and she kept writing -- and eventually, she continued writing without me. She's written and published a book on drumming called "Whole Person Drumming." You can get a copy at Amazon. I'm proud that she wrote the first few chapters with me, and I edited them. The rest is all her (and the person who helped her turn her work into a book.) Yay, sis!
The point is: I need projects. And if I don't have a project, I don't communicate. My daughters call to catch up, and Bobbi does most of the talking on our side because -- well, no project. I talk regularly with two of my sons-by-marriage because -- we've got projects. I didn't have projects and I didn't have a communicative wife, there's a chance I wouldn't talk to any of my kids. Sorry, but that seems to be the way I'm built.
I'm not proactive, but I am responsive. If you send me an email, I will answer it. If you reply, I will reply back. Before you know it, we're having a conversation. But if I get busy and communication drops and you don't initiate, I'll just go on with my life as though I didn't care.
But that's not true. I do care. I do respond. I just don't initiate. Unless there's a project.
So if you are a friend and have not heard from me in a while, that's why. It's not an excuse but an explanation.
You can write, and I'll reply -- until I don't. And if you've got a project, we can work on it until (probably) you get tired of it.
And if you don't hear from me, don't think I don't care. I probably do. I'm just a projects guy.