I have first world problems.

And that is why my life sucks

Today I’m flying from Denver to Boston.

Right now I’m at 37,000 feet, using the internet that Delta provides for me, (for free!!!)

Do you hear that United?

Suck it!

You are no longer my favorite airline.

Here’s the whole catastrophe.

First I have to use the Uber app to get a ride to the airport. My driver, cool guy named Nabiel, tells me that he can’t drive me to my gate but only the departures ware.

So I have to go and do airport stuff like security and going ot the right terminal and so on,

I don’t know why he couldn’t drive me to the gate. Maybe it’s racism. I don’t know. Not his faul.

But it gets worse.

I got through security using their new “touchless” system that doesn’t even require me to pull out my passport.

I got on the train that took me to Terminal A, where my flight was leaving. And I ordered a Pumpkin Spice Latte (PSL) from Starbucks on my mobile phone.

And then I realized, as I headed to the gate to pick it up, that there was no Starbucks in Terminal A! I had to go to fucking Terminal B to get it!

Fuck me! Fuck you! Fuck Denver! Fuck Starbucks! Fuck everyone!

This is the kind of shit that we in the first world have to put up with routinely.

So I had to drag my ass (and my bag) back down to the train on the escalator.

And then I had to go to Terminal B.

And then I had to go up the escalator to the B level.

And then the Starbucks was like three or four gates away!

So I had to get on the moving sidewalk. And I finally got to Starbucks.

The nice lady at Starbucks guessed that I was “Mr Mikey” (Good guess! I am!) and gave me my PSL. We had a nice conversation, but still, I had to schlep my way back to terminal A.

So I went BACK DOWN the escalator to get to the train.

Only this train was full. No one was getting on.

So I had to wait for the NEXT TRAIN. Maybe it was two minutes, but honestly it seemed like a fucking week.

I’m not going to bore you with the all the horrible details. You’ve lived through your own shit before. Like how I had to slide my way past a couple of people to find a seat on the train so that I could hold my suitcase with one hand and my PSL and not have to hang on to a strap or bar.

And how I had to make my way past the people who were going to the baggage area and not going from Terminal B to Terminal A like me and a few other people.

Okay. I did it. And went up the escalator.

And then, guess what!

I had to travel on two moving sidewalks to get to my gate. Two! And one of them wasn’t working.

I was confronted with this sign.

Really? No way to get to Gate 48?? The sidewalk is closed. Kaput. Our of order. That is an ex-sidewalk.

Anyway I figured out that going toward one of the other gates might get me there and thank God for my resilience and creativity. Someone with less talent than me would have given up.

But not me. I got there..

You’ll be glad to hear that there is a happy ending to this miserable story.

Like I said, Delta has Free Wifi on their planes. (Or at least this one).

So I didn’t have to pay an extra $8.00 to United for WiFi. Or change my plan to T-Mobile. Or suck anyone’s dick to get Free Wifi (As far as I know that wouldn’t have gotten me Free WiFi but I’m just pointing out that I didn’t have to suck it.)

These aze the kinds of problems that we in the first world have to face every day.

“First World Problems” Subreddit https://www.reddit.com/r/firstworldproblems/ is full of shit like this.

Thank God that I can get this kind of shit off my chest by posting this at 37,000 feet using Free WiFi and not have to keep it all bottled up inside.