Setting my direction
This morning I got an email from Past Me. Good old Past Me! What a guy!
He sent me love and hopes for my future.
He told me that he hoped that I would spend my day being grateful for what I’d gotten from him and other Past Me’s. And indeed, I am.
Thank you, Past Me.
Thanks all of you, Past Me’s.
He told me that he hoped that I would spend this day creating a better Future Me.
That’s something that he or some other Past Me had wanted to do, and he wanted to remind me of that decision, so I could decide if I agreed. Absent the reminder, I might have forgotten.
I probably would have forgotten.
But thanks to Past Me, I was reminded.
Finding the direction
Past Me’s note set me to considering the direction of my life more carefully. It led me to consider my aim.
What do I want Future Me to be, do, and have?
I decided that I wanted to aim for the greatest good.
I wanted Future Me to realize all the potential that Future Me’s could realize.
But what was that direction?
What came to mind was something that I had read nearly fifty years ago. I was working my first job in Omaha, Nebraska, a bachelor guy living in a motel on an expense account, doing work as a civilian contractor to the military-industrial complex.
When I wasn’t working, I read.
I was taken with the writings of Neitzche and was reading the Stuart Walter Kauffman translations. (Memory had served me wrong. It was Walter, not Stuart. (Thanks, Google!) Stuart Kauffman, I remembered, had been at the Santa Fe Institute and had written something I’d read a long time ago “At Home in the Universe.” (Thanks again, Google!)
In “Thus Spake Zarathustra,” Nietzsche argued against the existence of God, thus: “If there is a god, how could I bear to be no god. Therefore, there is no god.” That’s how I remembered it, and that’s pretty close.
I liked a lot of Nietzsche, but that line never sat right with me.
The idea that I was “no God” was not unbearable, but it was troubling. T
Therefore…what?
There is a god?
And so my direction is…
I decided to aim in that direction. That meant: I wanted to become the closest possible approximation to God—as I understood the idea of God.
I wanted to do the best job that I could of becoming an incarnation of God. God in a mortal body.
Sound like anyone you know?
It seemed like an excellent aspirational direction. Even if I don’t get very close to the goal, it’s the right way to head.
Timeline
That took a while.
It’s now 5:31 PM. Hours spent getting here, with diversions and digressions along the way.
But I do feel profoundly satisfied.
That’s my aim.
I feel that there is beneath this decision is an important underlying truth. And I expect to write about it another day.
I just have to remember to do it.
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