The illusion of sacrifice
In earlier posts I recommended sacrifice. I reconsider and retract.
A few years ago, inspired by Jordan Peterson, I came to see sacrifice as a virtue, and I recommended it.
Now I see things differently.
I think sacrifice is a dangerous illusion.
What I said:
In a post about sacrifice, cleverly titled “On sacrifice,” I wrote this:
Sacrifice, the noun, has multiple meanings, but the relevant one is: “an act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy.” If it’s more important or worthy, then the decision should be easy. You do it.
Back to Peterson again:
Error necessitates sacrifice to correct it, and serious error necessitates serious sacrifice. To accept the truth means to sacrifice—and if you have rejected the truth for a long time, then you’ve run up a dangerously large sacrificial debt.
In this post, I quote from one of Peterson’s Biblical Series lectures. He says:
…one of the things that characterizes your ideal future self is the ability to make sacrifices, and the deeper the sacrifice, the better. And then also to recover from the sacrifice, right? So that’s the death and rebirth.
These ideas made sense. Sacrifice is a good explanation of certain beneficial things.
A Course in Miracles has changed my mind about sacrifice. It’s a tool of the ego, and that’s not good.
In one way or another, every relationship the ego makes is based on the idea that by sacrificing itself, it becomes bigger. ²The “sacrifice,” which it regards as purification, is actually the root of its bitter resentment. (ACIM, T-15.VII.6:1-2)
Which is it?
The books are always balanced.
If you get what you’ve given or get more than you’ve given, it’s not a sacrifice.
It’s only a sacrifice if you get less than you put in.
If. you do something costly now to get a greater reward later, it’s not a sacrifice. It’s an investment.
If there’s no reward or if the reward is too small, then why do it? You’re under no obligation. You’re not forced to make a sacrifice.
If you do what doesn’t benefit you, the ego will balance the books. It will make up the difference between cost and reward with resentment.
Resentment is valuable to the ego. It can be stored indefinitely and be pulled out whenever the ego needs to justify a vengeful act. Ego can use the same resentment to justify multiple vengeful acts and justify vengeful acts against people not directly benefitted by the sacrifice.
In fact, you can’t be forced to make a sacrifice. You can have something taken from you—but then it’s not a sacrifice. You can be threatened and decide you can’t face the threat—and then that’s not a sacrifice.
Love can balance the books.
Ego balances the books through resentment. But there’s another way: love.
When you do something for another, you get no direct value. Whatever you get comes through love: your love for them, your love for what they represent, or your love for the value of what you’ve done.
The more you love someone, the more cost you are willing to bear for their benefit.
There’s no sacrifice in giving someone a gift because you love them. There’s no sacrifice in doing something because you love the idea of doing it.
And remember, love is a verb. Love is something you do. Love is something you choose.
By choosing to love enough, you’ll balance the books—without resentment.
Some things I’ve learned about love
I’ll add that to my list of “Some things I’ve learned about love.” The old list:
Love is a choice.
Love is a gift.
Love is a verb.
Loving takes work.
Loving is a skill.
And add to that:
Love prevents resentment