Who has been an angel in your life?

Angels surround us. We can see them if only we look.

I don’t look most of the time. I mostly wander through the dream that is my life, mostly seeing what mostly everyone mostly sees: a mundane world full of suffering and laughter, not necessarily in that order.

A guy goes into a doctor and the doctor says, “I have bad news and worse news. What do you want to hear first?”

The guy says, “Tell me the worse news.”

The doctor says, “You've got an agressive metastasizing cancer. It’s spread through your body. There’s nothing we can do. You have a very short time to live, and most of that time is going to be horrifically painful.”

The guy says, “Wow! That’s pretty horrible. What’s the bad news.”

The doctor says "You've got Alzheimer's disease. It’s in an advanced state, and your mind is deteriorating rapidly. In a short while, you’ll be nothing more than a vegetable.”

The guy says, “Wow! That’s pretty horrible.” Then he smiles. “But at least I don’t have cancer”

My best friend Jonny (he may be my best friend and named Jonny, or my best friend who is named Jonny, I’m not saying which) has cancer. A cancer. A small melanoma on his elbow, which he was going to have removed surgically yesterday.

I’m a cancer survivor. My first cancer was cured by my brother, the doctor. He saw a growth on my forehead that he didn’t like the looks of. There are a lot of things that my brother doesn’t like the looks of about me. But this was one that he was able to remove surgically and send off for evaluation.

It was cancer. Specifically, a basal cell carcinoma. Basal cell carcinomas are like melanomas, the way that guppies are like great white sharks. They’re both fish, but a guppy is unlikely to kill you, while a great white? Don’t count on getting away. And yes, Mr. Sawyer, I do remember that sharks are not fish but elasmobranchs. But do you really want to fuck up my joke with technical language? And what are you doing in my head, anyway? I thought I got rid of you in high school.

Anyway, Jonny. A few days earlier, he fell down because he’s in his 80’s and like me, that’s what we old people do. But unlike me, who only smashed his head into a coffee table and got sent to the hospital to get stitches that one time and only suffered minor damage those other times, Jonny legit broke his foot. But because he wasn’t wearing a geriatric broken foot detection device and because he’s a guy, he figured, “What the fuck. It’s only a little pain,” and so he walked on it for a couple of days until, according to his son, Ryan, his foot was “about twice the size it should be, and a distressing color.”

So Jonny ends up with his doc canceling his surgery and sending him to the ER, where they are checking him for infection (because that can kill you faster than melanoma) and blood clots (because that can kill you faster than melanoma) and fixing his broken foot (because continuing to walk on a broken foot can lead to infections and blood clots and other things that can kill you faster than melanoma.)

So Ryan’s texting me the play-by-play about his Dad’s condition over Signal, and I text back: “Well, at least he doesn’t have cancer. (Punchline to a joke. Know it?” He doesn’t, so I text him that joke in a slightly less polished form. And he texts a laugh. And the next day, I text Jonny to find out how he’s doing and he tells me, and I text him, “Well, at least you don’t have cancer,” and ask him if he knows the joke, and he doesn’t so I text it to him. And he texts a laugh.

What does this have to do with angels?

What I said before.

Angels surround us. We can see them if only we look.

I don’t look most of the time. I mostly wander through the dream that is life, mostly seeing what mostly everyone mostly sees…

…a world in which Israelis are killing and being killed by Ukrainians and Russians are killing and being killed by Palestinians. Or maybe I’ve got it wrong. Maybe it’s Israelis versus Russians and Ukrainians versus Palestinians. And does it really matter who is doing what to whom? Some people are dying, and some other people are deciding who to side with and who to blame instead of looking for angels.

Back in the days when I knew all the answers, I’d have an answer for any question you asked. Then I wised up, and I realized that I didn’t have all the answers, but you didn’t either, so I’d waste time poking holes in your argument. Not that I had a better one, mind you. I just didn’t like you thinking you were right because I didn’t like the fact that I used to think I was right.

And now, I say that the answers to all these questions are out of my jurisdiction. “Out of my jurisdiction” is a phrase I picked up from comedian Jeff Dye:

Everyone's got too many opinions now. It's insane. People ask me shit. What do I know? I'm a comedian. I don't know shit. I don't know. Do you want to have a drink?

“What do you think about black lives matter?”

I go “I don't know. Why? Would I look like I know?” I don't think that's what the black community wants the white guy [saying things]

I don't know

I don't know.

It's not my jurisdiction.

I just love everybody

I don't have any goddamn answers

Look for angels?

Is that an answer?

I don’t know.

It’s not my jurisdiction.

But you’re an angel and I love you.

Speaking of angels, here’s a song “Waiting for Angels written by my angel friend Jess, and performed by angel friend Noel.