God Derangement Syndrome is a serious problem.

“God Derangement Syndrome is a serious problem,” says the God I don’t believe in, reading the title I’d written for the post.

“God doesn’t exist,” said a reader. Or one will say it as soon as the read it.

“See what I mean,” God says. “No sooner do I appear than someone feels compelled to deny my existence. GDS!”

“I believe God exists, but you are not God,” another reader will say. “God wouldn't appear in a blog, and certainly not in this shitty blog.”

“See what I mean,” God says. “No sooner do I appear than someone who says they believe in feels compelled to tell me what I will and won’t do. GDS!”

“At best, you are sentence, or a series of sentences being attributed to a character named God,” a more scrupulous reader will argue.

“See what I mean,” God says. “No sooner do I appear in one form than someone feels compelled to me literally in what form I can and cannot be. GDS!”

“Listen up,” God says. “If I can make a rock so big that I can’t move it, (and I certainly can),” God continues, “and I can be a burning bush (and I can), and I can come to earth in human form (and I can) and I can die and be resurrected (been there, done that) then I can certainly appear in a blog. Even a shitty blog. You might not think it’s much compared to the other miracles I’ve done, but a miracle is a miracle.”

“So you’re saying that because you have done all these miracles, including appearing in this blog, that people who don’t accept your other miracles, like your incarnation as Jesus, are wrong,” another reader will say.

“See what I mean,” God says. “No sooner do I explain some of my miracles than someone feels compelled to tell me which of my Children are right and which ones are wrong. GDS, all the way.”

“Let’s get to the heart of this,” another reader will say. “Either you exist, or you don’t. Right?”

“See what I mean,” God says. “No sooner to I explain myself than someone feels compelled to tell me that must either be or not be. To be or not to be? Isn’t that the question?”

“So you can both be and not be?” another will reader will finally ask. “And you can be in a blog? And you can be a burning bush? And come to earth? And die and be resurrected?”

“Of course,” God says. “And I can be the one God who has Mohammed (pbuh) as his prophet, and be Brhama, Vishnu, Siva, and all the millions of other names given to Me.”

“If I exist,” God says, “and I am omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent, then I can be anyone, anything, anywhere.

“I can be He, and I can be She, and I can be It.

“If you weren’t so deranged, you’d see that in Me, all things are possible. Even My non-existence.”

“And as I said in the beginning, just after I made the heavens and the earth, God Derangement Syndrome is a serious problem.”