Reading this one blog post will make you equanimous AF
Or maybe even a Buddha, who the fuck knows
Back in the day, I thought there was only fucking road to enlightenment. You had to park your ass on a fucking cushion and watch your fucking breath like a boss monk with steel balls until you’re fucking enlightened.
I’ve spent a metric fuckton of hours watching my fucking breath, and I can tell you three things.
One: I’m way more chill than I used to be, so meditation rocks.
Two: my breath is boring as fuck.
Three: I wasn’t close to enlightened.
Then I met this dope roshi, and in less than one fucking day, BOOM! Satori. Nirvana. Enlightenment. Whatever the fuck you want to call it, I was there, man. This motherfucker rules.
How it works
You’ve heard this shit about how you’re already a Buddha, right? Like every fucking body is a fucking Buddha. Even an asshole like Donald fucking Trump is a fucking Buddha FFS. If he ever fucking wakes up and he’ll go, “Holy shit! I’m a Buddha.” And then he’ll realize that America’s already fucking great. Or some shit.
But no way an asshole like Trump will watch his fucking breath for even one fucking nanosecond. So how will a shitbag like him realize his Buddhahood and stop being such a fuckwad?
How does an asshole like you get there?
“Well,” you might say, “tell me where to find that dope roshi you think is the cat’s ass. And I’ll see what he can do for me.”
I have two answers for you.
One: What makes you fucking think that the roshi’s a he and not a she, you sexist pig.
Two: Fuck you; I won’t tell you where she hangs out. Like she says, “When the fucking student is fucking ready, the fucking master will fucking show.” I was fucking ready, and you’re not. Otherwise, you’d be talking to a fucking master instead of reading this shit.
But there’s another saying: “When the fucking reader is ready, a fucking blog post will appear.” And BOOM! Blog post. You were at least ready for that, dude.
So I’m going to explain something that won’t take you all the fucking way to fucking Buddhahood, but I guaran-fucking-tee that it will fucking change your life.1
The big reveal
If you think that dropping f-bombs and talking shit like I talk can’t bring you to enlightenment, then you’ve missed the fucking point.
Form is fucking emptiness; emptiness is fucking form.2
There’s no special form for reaching enlightenment.
You are a fucking Buddha. So am I.
When you see the Buddha laughing, what the fuck is he laughing at?
“Holy shit!” said an imaginary reader. “I get it.”
“Me too!” said another imaginary reader.
“Fucking A,” says the Buddha.
Because every fucking thing changes your fucking life. Arising and passing away, bro. That’s all there is.
That’s from the fucking Heart Sutra