Apparently, the God I don’t believe in wants me to write. “I do,” She says. “I’m writing,” I say. “Good,” She says. “And I want you to finish writing and post it.” “That’s harder,” I say. “I know,” God says. “I’ve got your back.” January 27, 2024 I woke up next to my wife.
You forgot the part where an "imaginary" reader says, "Wait, did that say January 2024?!?" (Or maybe not-so-imaginary one.)
Love your gentle touch of humor here--always one of the top things most needed when someone's in this kind of spot that you are in right now. “How do you go on with life? Or how do you go on with this post?” is classic: We treat our words like they're the be-all and end-all of the biggest of all big to-do's. (Or at least I do!)
"I trusted God. Even though I did not believe in Her, I trusted Her." <-- Also, this parallels what probably amounts to my first prayer. I was seven years old, and at school that day, I'd misunderstood an argument two girls in my class were having. They were arguing about whether you were ALLOWED to raise your middle finger, but I thought they were arguing about whether it was PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE to raise it separately from the other ones. So of course, I showed them! (Also, the teacher was out of the room at this time.) The entire class gasped, and I heard one classmate utter "She hates God!" After I got home, I still could not escape re-playing the horror of my embarrassment, and I found a quiet place where I could be alone, (you could almost say I approached the throne of God from a throne room, as there was a porcelain throne* in that room) and I informed God, "I don't hate You; I just don't believe in You."
Umm, I'm not sure what to say here about your grief & loss of your beloved wife. So I will say "Sorry for your loss. That sucks. :("
* Another internet friend came up with the somewhat irreverent wordplay that inspired this, and had me rolling in laughter some years ago.
I love this, I could hear you talking to me as I read it.
Love this Dad. YAY! You published again.
You forgot the part where an "imaginary" reader says, "Wait, did that say January 2024?!?" (Or maybe not-so-imaginary one.)
Love your gentle touch of humor here--always one of the top things most needed when someone's in this kind of spot that you are in right now. “How do you go on with life? Or how do you go on with this post?” is classic: We treat our words like they're the be-all and end-all of the biggest of all big to-do's. (Or at least I do!)
"I trusted God. Even though I did not believe in Her, I trusted Her." <-- Also, this parallels what probably amounts to my first prayer. I was seven years old, and at school that day, I'd misunderstood an argument two girls in my class were having. They were arguing about whether you were ALLOWED to raise your middle finger, but I thought they were arguing about whether it was PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE to raise it separately from the other ones. So of course, I showed them! (Also, the teacher was out of the room at this time.) The entire class gasped, and I heard one classmate utter "She hates God!" After I got home, I still could not escape re-playing the horror of my embarrassment, and I found a quiet place where I could be alone, (you could almost say I approached the throne of God from a throne room, as there was a porcelain throne* in that room) and I informed God, "I don't hate You; I just don't believe in You."
Umm, I'm not sure what to say here about your grief & loss of your beloved wife. So I will say "Sorry for your loss. That sucks. :("
* Another internet friend came up with the somewhat irreverent wordplay that inspired this, and had me rolling in laughter some years ago.